Thursday, December 9, 2010

My iTouch: A Complete Breakdown of the Breakthrough Technology


The Backstory
I have an iTouch. I’ve had it for almost two years now. I bought it with all the money relatives gave me for Christmas and my savings. It’s the version from two years ago. (I think that’s either one or two versions older than the newest version.) It’s only eight gigs, because that’s the best one I could afford. (I had about 40 dollars more than the price of the eight gig one, but I had to buy a case, too, and they’re 30 dollars.) It doesn’t even have a camera.

The Pros
  • I can play games at will. (See: The Recommends, below)
  • I can surf the web, just as long as there’s WiFi.
  • I can check my email. (with WiFi)
  • I can schedule up-to-the-5-minute events.
  • I can check stocks. (With WiFi.) I will never need to check stocks in my life. EVER. But should I ever want to? Just tap the button!
  • I can pinpoint an exact address ANYWHERE on the earth! (With WiFi)
  • I can check the weather. (With WiFi.)
  • I can calculate complicated equations.
  • I can type notes.
  • I can listen to all my music. I can even BUY music from what I’m pretty sure is the biggest selection of songs in the WORLD. (With WiFi)
  • I can save pictures and take screenshots. (See: The Tips & Tricks, below)
  • I can watch all my movies and music videos.
  • I can admire the simplicity of the design. There’s a button on the top left to put to sleep/wake it up (just press once), and hold to turn on and off. There are two volume buttons on the top left. There is a “Home” button to return to your app menu. There’s a port for your Apple charger. There’s a port for your headphones. The rest is done on the (really, really big!!!:)) touch screen.
  • I can make everyone I know that (a) doesn’t have an iTouch at all (b) have an iTouch that is an earlier generation than mine (c) don’t have anything by Apple at all (d) don’t have any electronics at all and/or (e) don’t have anything at all feel really, really jealous. (But maybe not (e) because that would be kind of mean.)
  • I can customize it and personalize it until I puke.
The Cons
  • My fingerprints are all over the back.
  • My case is about 18 months old, and it’s still going strong, but I’m more bored of it than you can imagine. (It’s by Swiss Mobility, it has a fat plus sign on the back and it’s baby pink. e. w.)
  • The keyboard is just a teensy bit small. (And that’s coming from someone with skinny fingers.)
The Verdict
The pros outweigh the cons.

The Recommends
  • Bounce On. If you like action-packed Mario-style platformers, this game is for you. Guide a red rubber ball through five worlds of secret passageways, epic bosses and nostalgic graphics to defeat the evil Lord Drallo. (Full review will be reposted from my other blog tomorrow.) If you liked the first one, though, don’t waste your time on the second one (Bounce On 2: Drallo’s Demise); the graphics are crammed together, there are only three worlds and the boss will take even a skilled gamer weeks on end.
    Bounce On, $4 & Bounce On 2: Drallo’s Demise, $3. Search the titles on the App Store to locate.
  • Utility Apps. The App Store offers a wide range of utility apps. These things will really save your butt sometimes…some good ones to look out for would be AppMiner (to help you find those apps you forgot the title of), Backgrounds (to find pictures of an. y. thing. - and then set them as your screensaver!), DoodleBuddy (to draw your own pictures with a wide range of colors and stamps), Dreamcatcher (to find out what those dreams really mean…), Emoji Free (to unlock your iTouch’s 200+ emoticons…for free! The catch is: only people with iTouches can see them, so if you send an email and the recipient views it on their computer (PC OR Mac), they’ll just see code), eWhiteNoise (natural sounds designed to soothe the soul), FreeSounds (a bunch of sound effects!), FStream (radio on the go), Google Earth (look at the world), Pocket Sounds (quality-over-quantity sounds), PhotoShop Express (PhotoShop in your pocket!), textPlus (free texting on your iTouch with no catch!), Yahoo! Messenger (for all you Yahoo! users), IconBoard (cute icons ranging from smileys to algebra), FracCalc Pro (sadly, the built-in calculator doesn’t have fractions, just decimals - instant solution!), Errands (the to-do-list you’ve been waiting for) and most of all, Appzilla, which contains 90+ utility apps (in one app!) for only 99 cents!)
    AppMiner, Backgrounds, DoodleBuddy, Dreamcatcher, Emoji Free, eWhiteNoise, FreeSounds, FStream, Google Earth, PhotoShop Express, textPlus, Yahoo! Messenger, IconBoard, FracCalc Pro, Errands & Appzilla, all free except Appzilla, 99 cents.
  • Topple and Topple 2. Stack challengingly-shaped blocks to form towers of a certain height under a certain time limit! Topple [1] is mainly just simple stacking, but features a “Space Mode,” where, every so often, the gravity goes berserk. There is also free-play mode, where you simply stack (sans time limit this time) your blocks, up up up, until they, well, topple! Topple 2 features multiple game modes, including upside-down, Egg Mode and a mechanical mode. If you like unique, quirky action-puzzlers, than this game is most definitely for you! (Actually, anything by the publishers, ngmoco:), is pretty awesome; try Rolando or Pocket God!)
    Topple, free & Topple 2, 99 cents.
The Tips & Tricks
  • To take a screenshot, simultaneously press the on/off button and the home button.
  • When you first get your iTouch, try and procrastinate paying for apps as much as you can…it’s good practice. I managed to go two months!
  • If your screen is frozen, and you’ve tried absolutely everything to fix it, just let it sit like that until the battery runs out…then turn it on again and things should be back to normal.
  • If you bought it yourself at a store, they will usually ask you about “insurance.” Make sure you get that!!! What it basically is, you’ll have to pay a small amount (around $25, I think) in order to “insure” your iTouch. Say if you dropped it into a puddle, or stepped on it, or snapped it in half in frustration after an unsuccessful attempt at beating Lord Drallo in Bounce On 2, you would need to buy a new one, right? Paying full price? Not with insurance, you don’t! If you have the insurance and something happens to the iTouch, they’ll give you a new one…free. I have the insurance, and I’ve never needed a new one, but it’s a good precaution to take.
  • Sync, sync, sync! Make sure to sync as soon as you purchase an app, especially if you paid for it, because if something happens to your iTouch and you’re not synced, well, it’s like forgetting to save a document.
The Personal Stories
  • My case splits apart down the middle. For a long time I was absolutely addicted to running my fingernails down that line and taking it apart. I only just recently stopped.
  • I used to walk into a store with my headphones in my ears connected to my iTouch. Like, literally, a salesperson would start talking to me and I’d have to pause the song and be like “Sorry, could you say that again?” It was baaaaad.
  • I was inspired to buy an iTouch because my friend Carmen (are you reading this Carm? Hi!! :)) had one, and I was only fantasizing about it for about two weeks, then it was a couple’a days after Christmas so I went over to my aunt and uncle’s house to visit, and they both gave me money, and added to my existing saving fund, I had enough money to buy myself an iTouch! It was a good day.
Is It For Me?
  • The iTouch is not for someone who wants to customize fonts.
  • The iTouch is definitely for someone who loves customizing and personalizing (but doesn’t care about fonts).
  • The iTouch is not for someone with large fingers. If you have large fingers, go buy yourself an iPad. (Introducing the iPad…the iPhone for people with fat fingers who don’t like calling people and the Mac for people who don’t have a desk but have really big pockets! No offense to iPad owners.)
  • Some iTouch games are not for people who get frustrated easily, have anger management issues or are violent.
  • The iTouch will make you seem way cooler than you actually are. Take it from someone who knows. Someone who KNOWS, dude. I know.

Okay, so tell me all about your iTouch ownership experience! Do you know anyone who’s actually snapped theirs in half?

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